The Beauty of Grudges and Holding Vendettas
by Perfekt Rain
Summary: Rosalie reflects on how she really can't forgive Bella Swan, and on other deep thoughts in her trusty diary.


***Disclaimer:Do I own Twilight? NOPE.***

***A/N: Doing the entire series, I was interested with Rosalie, along with Leah. Though most of my fics are about Leah, I thought that Rosalie deserved her own little one shot as well. I might even decide to give Rosalie a longer fic, one of these days. This takes place 3 years after BD when Nessie looks seven.***

**A look inside the secret diary of Rosalie Hale...**

Dear Diary,

I've seen many things in my long lifetime, but I have never seen a child so flawless, innocent, and so full of life. You may think I'm talking about Renesmee. But I'm not. I'm talking about Henry, Vera's child. But he's near eighty now; Vera is long gone. Just like I should've been decades ago, burried next to Emmett with a few youthful flowers on our headstones. Things just don't work out for people like me, huh?

I will never forgive Bella for the fatal mistake that she made. She's one of us now, cold hard, never changing. She doesn't realize that she's spoiled. She got everything she ever wanted, along with something she took forgranted. Renesmee. What a beautiful, perfect little girl gone to waste. Bella never deserved her and never will. Sure, she was interesting for a while, but now Bella is always dumping her off on me, so Edward and her can get some "alone time". Bella out grew her child, like a child grows out their dolls. It's revolting, isn't it? Simply...cold.

And yet, I can't refuse. I love to hunt with her whenever she's hungry, or make her the finest foods-whatever she prefers on certain days. I'm thrilled whenever I brush her soft, bronze hair and tie ribbons into it in a fancy way. I enjoy reading her stories, buying her clothes, and giving her hugs. Her warm skin makes my cold heart melt.

Back when Bella was human, I knew that she could never harm me. But now, with Nessie, she can. Everytime I have to give her back to her mother (who's to busy gazing into Edward's eyes to ever notice much about her own daughter anymore) it kills me. Because it reminds me who Nessie's real mother is. And it's not me.

Did I tell you that just the other day, Nessie called me mom? She did. She said,"Hey mom, guess what I learned today?" She blushed afterwards, and followed up with a "Oops. I meant Rosalie." but the words were out there. It made my dead heart skip a beat, not that it beats anymore. I felt serene, like I was doing a good job of being a makeshift mommy.

Renesmee makes me feel human, diary. The warmth of her hands in mine is enough to change mine high enough to pass for a human's. But a few moments after she lets go, my hand is ice again. But it's not just that. It's that she makes me _feel _things. Sure, I had emotions before her, but not this vivid. They were like echos, shadows of how they once were. But now, they're back. The envy I feel is powerful, just like with Vera eons ago. I when I'm with her, I feel _happy _like I once was with Royce, whenever I showed him off like a new pair of shoes. She can make me feel as worried as I once was, whenever my mother was ill so many years ago.

Emmett is the only other one that ever comes close to giving me back my human feelings. He's my exact opposite, but he completes me. I'm brooding. He's teasing. I'm passive agressive. He's direct. He's loud. Like I said before, I'm brooding. When I'm with Emmett, I start to be more like him, fun. Something I used to have at all the wonderful parties I once attended as a human girl. He would make a great father.

Sometimes I don't know why I bother myself with wishing that I _was_ Renesmee's biological mother. It can't happen. Not all the magic in the myths nor the science in the labs can make that happen. Bella has a great gift in her hands, and she _doesn't _understand. What I would give for one tiny baby! I wouldn't care how it turned out, as long as it was real!

Everyone should pity all those like me, hoping and hoping for a baby that will never come. Like Esme, who had a child _within her grasp _only to have it slip away. There is some mercy, though, I have never lost a child. And if I did, I could never be strong like Esme. No, I'd be a wimp like Edward, and run off to Italy, and ask to die.

Alice will never understand Esme and I's quiet suffering. She lost her memory in some freak accident, and vampirism is all she has ever known. I'm jealous of her as well, not remembering your human life would be a gift from the gods.

Bella can't comprehend our pain either. Everything she has, she was handed to her on a silver platter. Edward, Renesmee, her so called self control. It's not self control if you don't have to work for it. It's just another thing Bella got for free.

The worst part is that she's happy! She _enjoys_ sucking the life out of cute little furry animals. She enjoys knowing that eventually, she'll have to watch everyone around her die. Sickness, accidents, old age, murder, mother nature...so many ways to die that could happen to anyone.

But there's one person she'll never watch die. Me. No disease can touch me, no car can dent my stone skin. Aging is impossible; no knives can cut through my flesh. I'll never die, even if there was a massive earthquake. I'll be here, the entire time. My forever baleful gold eyes will always glare daggers at her. I'll be watching, stupid mistake after mistake. Everytime she jumps off a cliff, everytime she neglects Renesmee, everytime she clashes with that one werewolf girl (I think her name is Leah), I'll be watching in the shadows, shaking my head at her foolish errors. So many mistakes that can happen over the course of eturnity.

Ha! I'll be watching. How stalker is that? But it's true. As long as Emmett stays with our coven, I'll be around. Maybe even longer than Bella herself. _I know that girl will slip up and get herself burnt. _And it'll be a shame too, because Edward will try to commit suicide yet again. And I'll be the one to restrain him from doing so, unlike last time. Last time was a disaster that won't happen again.

Edward should of just settled for Tanya. Tanya actually had a brain, and she was a close family friend. But then again, I wouldn't have my Nessie. As Jasper says, there's no such thing as a free lunch. It's true. I wouldn't trade Ness for the world. Nessie is a blessing and I don't understand what great act of kindness Bella could've done to receive her. It's not fair. And it never will be.

Nessie's growing up fast. She becomes more and more like that dog and I; we are the people she spends the most time with. I hate to admit it, but Jacob's not as vile as I once thought he was. He's still as annoying as ever, he created yet another blonde joke.

I'm not sure if her having a lot of my traits is a good thing or a bad thing. Only time will tell.

Well, I have to go. Bella and Edward will be out of town on Isle Esme for the next few weeks, and it is my duty to watch Renesmee. Something that Bella will someday regret. And I guarentee she will.

Yours forever,

_Rosalie Hale._

***I hope that no one thought Rose was OC, but if she was, let me know! Tell me how I did!**


End file.
